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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Browch Who Missed Christmas

On the old Prime Meridian, Eastwards of here
Lives the good Browch, as always,
'round this time of year

The Browch is an admirably different old fellow
His T-shirts are L shaped
and his blue jeans are yellow

His posture is poor when he sits, with a slouch,
But he stands like a statue
like a bronze sculpted Browch

You see, the Browch means well, in every endeavor
But he isn't that savvy,
He isn't that clever

He sits in a wheelchair, though he's okay for walking
His bedroom needs painting
and his bathroom needs caulking

So it is unsurprisng, that the Holiday seasons
find the Browch missing,
for multiple reasons

One year he was sleeping, and once he was shopping
And once he was busy,
both sweeping and mopping

He's been locked in the storage bin that he keeps cheese in
One year he was tried
and convicted of treason

He's been in Nantucket, he's been on the moon
And once he mistakenly thought it was June

But this is the story, to throw in a twist
about the first Christmas
that the Browch missed

"It will be so exciting, it will be so much fun"
said the Browch, in December, 2001

"There'll be reinders, and bottles, and kids with kazoos
I'll drink egg nog and whiskey
I'll make pretzels, and stews."

To make his prized stew the Browch needed ingredients
but his servant, as always,
was quite disobedient

he failed to buy items on the Browch shopping list
which lead to the first
Christmas that the Browch missed

"This stew needs more herbs, and it needs some more spices
and it needs some more carrots,
more meats and more rices"

Said the Browch as he sampled his unfinished course
then he slammed his fist down
with considerable force

"but it needs, most of all a great deal of baneejy"
a flower, I'm told,
that comes only from Fiji

"That Davis (his servant) has failed me again,
I must dock his pay, by an order of ten"

"But now's not the time" said the Browch, in despair
"I must get to Fiji, I must get in the air"

So he logged onto Orbitz and after some scouting
bought tickets to go
on a Fiji-an outing

He packed up his Ouiji, and he packed his own squeegy
and he set out to Fiji,
to get that baneejy

But he failed to consider, on that Christmas eve night
just how many hours
it took for the flight

to get him to Fiji, and then to return
Was something the Browch
just didn't concern

So because he was careless, aloof and absurd
it happened that evening
that Christmas occurred

While the Browch, all alone, flew over the Ocean
Simply because
of his honest devotion

To get that mysterious Fiji-an flower
and make a great stew,
that his friends could devour

And that is the story, at least its the jist
of the very first Christmas
that the Browch went and missed.


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