I'm now four days late and I'm pretty sure that this baby is never coming. At first I was mad because I thought it was just refusing to show itself to piss me off, but once I took a step back and thought about it, I finally realized what the problem must be: I ate all of the Girl Scout Cookies.
Asking the baby to show up at this point would be like me calling someone and saying, "Hey, I know that it's warm and cozy at your house and that it's freezing outside and it's gonna be an enormous pain to get here and during the trip over you are going to be man-handled by a bunch of strangers and there will be lots of screaming on your part, but I have freaking Tagalongs and Samoas and Thin Mints so just come over anyway." Then you go through all of that and you get here and I'm like, "Well, you took too long so I ate all the cookies before you arrived." That would suck, so I totally get it.
(This is my actual size now, by the way)