Ok, I actually hate that corny name that everyone is calling Chicago during the polar vortex. But fine, it's fitting. Also, do I sound smart saying polar vortex? Well it turns out that the corner we live on is ground zero for stuck cars. Let's do a little research so that I can prove my point, shall we?
You see all those black lines? Those are all of the streets that the city decided to plow. You see that gaping hole? That's where we live. You like how the plow trucks drove right up to our block and then went out to get a pack of cigarettes? Too many kids in movies know how that story ends. Making matters worse, there's this excavator blocking one side of the street which is apparently just going to be parked at our house until summer.
Watching cars get stuck and then try to get out was entertaining for like, two days. Then I realized I couldn't get out either. So kinda not funny anymore. What is funny, however, are all of the brilliant ideas that people come up with to get themselves out of the snow.
I really should have taken better pictures but here we have a four-car situation. All of these guys are stuck. The truck and van on the right are both trying to go the same way on a one way street yet they are right next to each other. I guess whoever gets out first, wins? Well it's not going to be the van because look carefully right behind him. That's a car that is not only stuck right behind him (making the back and forth friction trick impossible) but is also facing the wrong way on a one-way street. You can tell it's a one-way by checking out the car directly in front of him, facing him. This guy is going the correct way, but it doesn't matter because he's also stuck.
Things I learned that do not work in this situation:
- Using a scraper to dig your wheels out of the snow
- Breaking a traffic barrier in half to dig your wheels out of the snow (both because he couldn't break it and also because it's a stupid idea)
- Getting a flat tire (super unhelpful)
- Pushing a car with your car
- Using a rope to pull a car with your car
Now, to be fair, these guys eventually got themselves out and if I'm going to be making fun of them I feel it is only right to direct you to a post I wrote about the idiotic things I did when I was first getting used to driving in the snow here (click here for that post and scroll down a bit).
I'm pretty over it all and could do without another day of news anchors telling us to cover our eyes to avoid corneal burning. This little guy is being a champ about being stuck indoors but really can't wait to get back outside again (while I watch from the window).
At least Michael has the gear to get himself to work: